For 6 months I have been blogging. For 6 months I’ve picked up my pencil and wrote what I felt. What I was inspired about.
The journey here was not easy and still is not. And I’ve got a long way to go.
But, I feel like I should share my blogging journey.
I did a lot of “research” before I started my first blog. I over-analyzed, over-thought, and questioned why I was pursuing this path. It was so out-of-the-box.
I knew college was not in my future. Which was fine with me. Jobs are scarce in my area of the world. The one I had was a seasonal job. Doing those things are the norm. My friends were doing it. Everyone my age was off doing normal adult things. So, why didn’t I?
Because I felt my heart being tugged in a direction that was crazy. Unrealistic.
For years I had a passion for writing and creating with words. I wrote short stories in my notebook, read by no one but myself. I created plots for stories, wrote about things that I was inspired about, and dreamed about seeing my words come to life beyond my notebook.
I forget when the idea of blogging came into my head, or how I even found out about it. But, once it entered my head, it never left.
The thought of blogging, and letting my words fly was really exciting. Because for the longest time, I knew there was something deep inside me that needed to come out. And I knew blogging would help me express and get my words out. When I wrote, I felt happy. And when I read what I wrote, knew it was good, I got a happy high and warm feeling of excitement.
Did I then express my dream and begin to explore the idea? Nope! I kept the idea locked in my heart and told no one!
Blogging? What a waste of time! It wouldn’t work, everyone would think I was nuts! Off my rocker! Surly my family and friends would think I was a few fries short of a happy meal if I told them.
And on and on my thoughts went, did I know these doubts as facts? Nope, I was keeping everything inside just like I always do.
It was nearing my 23rd birthday when all my feelings and doubts began to take hold of me. I was frustrated, down and angry. And in a word miserable.
For as long as I can remember, I’ve always done that opposite of what everyone else was doing.
Which, up to this point, I was completely fine with. But, telling people that expected me to do the norm adult thing, that I was not. It really made me both frustrated, and angry.
I was angry that I was not going to live up to some sort of invisible bar or standards. Because that’s how I truly felt. That I was not going to live up to some standards. Which made me frustrated.
But, at the bottom of all these emotions was one that was fighting all the others. It was a feeling of peace. When I prayed about my dream and thought of all the possibilities of writing, a sense of peace and excitement battled the frustration.
During my devotions one day, I came across Matthew 5:16 and I thought “yes!”
That was it! I had a light, and I wanted to shine it! If God gave me the ability to write and make words come to life, why resist God’s possible will for me?
Because I wanted, like a bolt of lightning to come down and for God to say “do it!”
Finally, one day, every feeling and emotion came bursting out, I told my mom everything. My fears, dreams, and through the tears I began to feel a little better. Funny how talking to mom always helps everything.
If Mom believed that this was what God had in store for me, and I believed it was, then she was going to back me all that way.
But there was still just one problem. I was still scared spitless of the reaction of my family and friends.
I still thought and felt there was an invisible bar/standard I had to meet being an adult. And if I didn’t meet it, then people would think I’ve failed at life and may think poorly of me.
And after months of doubt, worry, research, and more fear mixed with excitement, I launched my blog in September of 2019.
And now, months later, I still struggle with who I am and what I do. As I do as I write this.
I want to shine my light through my blog, I want this to be a place for people to come and be inspired by my writing, to make this world a better place. I want people to be inspired to have an attitude of gratitude. I want this blog to be a good thing.
My blog is small and inconsequential. And I pray that one day my blog will take off and I become the blogger I want to be. And some point, I just have to not care what people think of me. And simply do what I love and do God’s will. Nobody has my mind or feelings.
Is blogging something I want to do for the rest of my life? Maybe. This is my first step in a long list of goals and dreams I have. Another is to write a book and be published.
And I pray that my family and friends will come to accept who I am and what I do.
But first I must accept me and who I am. Who am I?
I am a writer. Photographer. Blogger. Musician. But, most importantly…
If you would like to read last weeks blog post…